Wow. It’s hard to begin again, but even writer’s block gets heavy after a while. I do this with trepidation, and because a few of you have been gently encouraging me, and at least one reader is bordering on threats if I don’t write. I wrote to a friend this morning who began to BLOG about his cancer “I’m glad you need to write. We need to read.” And I could hear the admonishment even in my own voice.
Why have I stopped? I lost my voice. Metaphorically and literally. I’m dealing with a whole bunch of health issues: neck and back pain that have been my companions for decades but recently have become insistent that I give them my soul attention. Losing my hearing led me to an audiologist who told me I had Hyper Acousis and suggested I see a neurologist. Blurry vision has had me reading frightening possibilities on WebMD at midnight. And an increased inability to clear my throat just really pissed me off. For God’s sake I talk for a living! Or I did. Before I joined the ranks of the unemployed.
My therapist says: you have good reason to be depressed!
Even as I argue: I’m not depressed…I’m coping pretty well thankyouverymuch.
I’ve spent the last few weeks going to various doctors and therapist trying to figure out how to get well or at least get better. I’m hanging my hopes right now on the chiropractic route. On my first visit, she did something that immediately cleared my throat. Her explanation of which parts of my spine are misaligned as they effect various parts of my body (eyes, ears, throat, neck, psyche) nailed every symptom I’ve had — and I hadn’t told her any symptoms beyond back pain.
I use to think that chiropractic work was not legit because everyone I know had to go back so many times. Until I got to the stage of life when I’m going to a whole bunch of doctors and therapists ANYWAY. Now it seems like it might be the simpler route to pain & health management.
It’s hard not to write about what’s on my mind, and what has been on my mind seemed so mundane. I wanted this BLOG to be outwardly focused. My observations of the world around me. Some Gospel truth joined with the pain of our existence to produce a sense of hope in the reader. So when I hit this particular bump in the road, I shut down not wanting to bore others with my exhaustive navel gazing.
But this morning I’m thinking maybe once again, my experience is your experience. Perhaps my friends and family have similar lists of ailments and have tried similar approaches — denying, ignoring, medicating, searching, worrying. And if that is the case, are we not comforted and helped by talking about it? Does anyone benefit when one’s voice is lost that might be the stimulus for another to find healing? Cannot the Gospel truth be found in the ordinary days of one’s life?
So I begin again. I can’t promise these writings will be uplifting or profound. But I will try to write the truth of my life hoping that in the grand scheme of things it might help someone else express theirs.
Because I suspect pain is universal. We’re all carrying some. Some more than others. Maybe my writing will help me feel like you are carrying some of mine. And your reading will help you feel like I’m carrying some of yours.
As U2 (and later, even better, Joe Cocker) sang in the song, ONE…we’ve got to carry each other.
Carry each other.
Thank you. The weight of silence had gotten heavy indeed.